5-7-08 Nodding Off

On the train, I set the countdown timer on my phone to go off in 15 minutes. I know that I probably won't reach my stop by that time, and I need to catch some shut-eye. Two nights of restless sleep and my stamina is shot. I woke up every hour, on the hour, for an entire night.

2-12-08 My Lungs are a Swamp

Woke up in the early hours unable to breathe through my nose, with a wheezing rattle chuckling down deep in my chest. I felt as if I were trying to breathe through cotton.

I was afraid the way that I've seen small animals like my cat be afraid - I was aware I was in what felt like a dangerous situation, yet I was calm and alert, knowing that something had to be done. I went into the bathroom, shut the door, turned on all the hot water, and sat while the steam loosened up the noisome crap, and I was able to breathe more easily.

1-16-08 No Rest for the Wicked?

The air in my bedroom is cold, for a change, even after I've finally retired the in-window air-conditioning unit to a space on the floor in the unused room in my apartment. I wake up, shivering, in the early hours before the alarm on my phone shrieks its obvious electronic censure of my dreams, and I pull the comforter up to my shoulders from where I kicked it in the night.

The cat, hearing me wake, mutters a half-yawned meow from the other side of the room. The darkness is grainy from the street light outside, and I am warm and safe in my bed, drifting back to sleep.

12-17-07 - “Squaaaare eyes. Turn the oth-eh way. I don’ wanna see. Ya criy-y-y.”

Played too much “Halo” again last night, and I finally understand the appeal. It’s like starring in your very own action film.

I still haven’t taken the air-conditioner out of the window from this past summer, and the duct-taped board I used to block the outside air from getting in has pushed half-way out of the sill. The wind comes in cold around the board right above where I sleep, snaking down onto my smiling face as I sleep all snug and warm beneath my comforter.

12-16-07 - ghosts on my retina

I woke up after the long party at about 1:30 in the afternoon, which is the latest I've awakened in several months. The wind was blowing hard outside, a real "nor'easter", I was told. I could hear it hooting at the windows and wooshing around the cracks in the apartment, like it was thinking idly about how to get in and tear the walls down.

I stayed inside in my pajamas all day and played "Halo" until, whenever I closed my eyes, I could see the images of the hundreds of aliens I'd murdered, dancing on my retinas in ghostly afterimages.